Growing old

i just cant help but laugh at a good one.... this one truly deserves to be in my blog :



The Miracle of Toilet Paper

"Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically
telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a
suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a
piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this
take?" I asked. "They will grow larger over a period of years,"
my husband replies. I stopped. " Do you really think rubbing a piece of
toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger
over the years?" Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt!,
didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy he may even walk
again.

Stupid, stupid man

my... my... what the...

i am one who cannot control my laughter and sometimes my movements when i'm in a laughing fit........... the other day, i was watching this stand-up comedy show in a sitting theatre where the main ingredients were stitching laughters, gags & guffaws. unfortunately, in the midst of my laughter, i 'might' have accidentally bumped the chair of the person in front of me. the lady sitting on it turned & gave me a quick stare & whispered something to her friend. she shifted her posture. i buat dono... my... my... i continued to enjoy the show while making an extra conscious effort to avoid any sudden-jerk of any of my body parts towards the front. the show went on... gavin made a fool of himself, afdlin came late, nell didnt get funnier, ida mistakenly called afdlin's name instead of harith's..... and harith was as hilarious as ever.
and what must have been a nice coincidence, i saw the lady in front of me accidently kick the chair in front of her in the midst of her laughter too, i then had the best pleasure of seeing her receive a stare from the person in front of her. I laughed harder at the next joke and gleamed in my heart for the rest of the show,... just because the lady in front of me sat throughout the nite... crouching on her chair.. both her legs as close as possible to her body............ :P and the best bits of the show....... all of them...

memories....

that scent brings me back to the moment you first told me your name .......... that ringtone brings me back to the day you returned my call .......... that soundtrack brings me back to the time you said that you enjoyed our first movie .......... that voice on the radio brings me back to the time we took a 3-hour drive to the beach .......... that cool breeze brings me back to the moments where we made weird footprints on the sand .......... that movie brings me back to the time i reached out to hold your tender hands .......... that couch brings me back to the day we went thru a 3-movie marathon .......... that mushroom soup brings me back to the weekend that we had 2 sinful buffet binges .......... that wrapper brings me back to the moment you "chided" me for buying you 99 stalks of roses for valentine's .......... that thump brings me back to the day you dropped a 11-pound bowling ball & broke your nail .......... that giggle brings me back to the day your little brother teased me as i mistook your dad for your uncle .......... that body oil brings me back to the moment i gave you a massage & you giggled like a little schoolgirl .......... that dent brings me back to the time i lost my cool .......... that sigh brings me back to the moment i saw your first teardrop .......... that long dial tone brings me back to the time you didnt answer all my calls .......... that shampoo scent brings me back to the moment i held on to you not wanting to let go .......... that honk brings me back to the time we took our first tut-tut ride .......... that emptiness brings me back to the time you gave me the longest cold shoulder .......... that trash can brings me back to the day you tore up all our vacation pictures .......... that mended vase brings me back to the time you said you wanted space .......... that corner food stall brings me back to the time i took long & lonely dinners .......... that broken tail light brings me back to the moment you said that there could be another guy .......... the howling wind brings me back to the times i wonder where you may be .......... that pillowcase brings me back to the many times i wished that you were here & we were still happy .......... that empty rack brings me back to the time i pondered over all the 'what ifs' .......... that couple holding hands brings me back to the moment i wished upon the brightest star that you will find happiness wherever you lay your dreams on ..........

i'm buying a new one

the threads are coming out? forget it. i'll get new ones .......... THE SCREWS ARE LOOSE, DONT MATTER, I'LL GET NEW ONES .......... the binding's old, come on, we'll go get new ones .......... IT'S TURNING YELLOW, DARN, I'LL GET NEW ONES .......... this is no longer trendy, ok, i'll buy new ones .......... YOURS HAS BLUETOOTH & 64MB BUILT-IN MEMORY, I'M GETTING A BETTER ONE .......... the repairs will cost me what?! i'm getting new ones .......... TOO SLOW TO GET THE JOB DONE? I'M ADDING A NEW ONE .......... not hot enough to be seen in it? damn, i'm gonna get a new one .......... MAKING SQUEEKY NOISES? JUST GO GET NEW ONES .......... prices will depreciate next year, uhm, don't worry, i'll order a new one .......... CAN'T GIVE ME WHAT I NEED? HELL, I'LL SEARCH FOR A NEW ONE! .......... she said what behind my back?! F**K!! i'm looking for a new one .......... COMPLAIN TO HER MOTHER?! F**K!! LET HER KNOW I'M FINDING A NEW ONE .......... bring the kids where?! F**K!! i'll make new ones! .......... DIDNT COME HOME LAST NIGHT?! I'LL FIND ANOTHER ONE ..........

no wonder trading & match-making is where the money is... take all these with a pinch of salt & if it's sour or even bitter, try to find a little more value in things,... i found mine

what we became...

fuck!! i hate this light! they're giving me a headache, they're just too yellow! .......... would you just change the station, i hate this song!! it's so freaking mushy! .......... oh god! this weather sucks! why is it so humid?? .......... this is the last time i'm wearing this sweater, it's just too hot & pricky for me to like it! .......... what's wrong with your couch? and your taste?? blue linings??!! and i'll get a freakin' backache just sitting on it! .......... puhleeezz, could you just switch the channel, this acting's giving me goosebumps .......... are we there yet? why is it taking so long? and i dont see the point in driving 30km just to see your aunt, it's not like she fell down a flight of stairs or she's dying!! .......... that cousin of yours?! dont you find her too naggy for her age?? .......... oh, if you'r having lunch with that prick Eddie, then please count me out. dont you find him too whiney?! i'd rather eat alone today! .......... god, i hate my dad sometimes! why cant he be like other cool dads??! .......... shites, i cant stand that brother of mine really, he's such a predictable baby!! .......... god, i hate my life!!! it's just too boring!! know what?! i'll probably drive to the beach & just chilllll..................................................... god, is this sand or what??!! it's so, so ....... grainy!!

persons or events used or referred are purely coincidental. do not be overly-sensitive if you happen to have blue linings on your couch or if i avoid having lunch with you.

what's to become of us?

.... what's to become of us? what's there for us?....
tell me that we do not at times treat or please our colleagues at our best possible way... but can drag our feet home to our loved ones with a long face... why do we crack our heads to come out with the best ideas to surprise a birthday friend and yet even forget to call home at least to say that we'll be late?.... are they not the ones we promised to take care of in times of good or bad?... are they not the ones who deserve so much better from us?....
why do we even smile at a gorgeous stranger yet scowl at someone at home at the slightest irritation?...why do we think of giving alms at church or doing good for our community when all we can do at home is reach for the remote as soon as we hit the couch or bury our faces with the latest gossip in the papers?... why do envy happy families at the park,... loving couples at the movies,... another with the cutest 2 year-old child & yet we dont even bother to look at our loved ones when we talk?... maybe because they're always there?... or maybe they can wait for another time... another day... another chance... another life....
what's there for us? what's to become of us?....

food for thoughts

• Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me • Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something • True friends stab you in the front • Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired • They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak • Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others • Saving is the best thing - especially when your parents have done it for you • Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote • They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash • You can't buy love... but you pay heavily for it • Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books • Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving •